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It’s not like I hadn’t tried, in the Let’s go pelicans new shirt but in fact I love this Before Times, to find someone who offered more than platonic touch; the kind of physical relationship that could provide intellectual stimulation, companionship, sex. But intimacy risked attachment, and attachment meant heartbreak. I had seen the pattern before.My body was like a steel safe of memories to which Lulu held the code—I never knew what she might release in our hour together.
“This one won’t last,” I would say every time my single mom drove me home from the Let’s go pelicans new shirt but in fact I love this babysitter after yet another date. Even as a young child, I sensed she yearned for male affection. A brain aneurysm when she was 41, and the partial paralysis it left her with, prevented her from finding that romance before she would die of the same injury at 56. In the 15 years in between, I became her caregiver, and my love and resentment towards her grew so deep that I vowed to never need anyone else.
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